I was walking downtown the other day when I saw these two jerk-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the belt, same outfits, so I yelled to over to them “Hey faggots did you plan that?” Anyway, they arrested me.
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter’s innocence, the mother turns around and says “Don’t worry; that was an insect”. To which, her daughter replies “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that”.
My daughter just walked into the living room and said “Cancel my allowance, trash my bedroom, throw all my clothes out the window, take my front door and car keys away and kick me out of the house”. Well she didn’t actually put it quite like that – she said “Dad, say hello to Mohammed…”
Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. “Did you find the shampoo?” Paddy says “yes but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine”.
Texas A&M Study Rated Obama 5th Best President in America’s History. From a total of 44 US Presidents: Obama is rated as the fifth best. The A&M’s Public Relations Office released this statement “After almost six years in office, Americans have rated President Obama the fifth best President ever”. These are the details according to Texas A&M:
1. Reagan and Lincoln tied for first;
2. Twenty three presidents tied for second;
3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third;
4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth;
and Obama came in fifth.