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  • some1talkin 3:37 pm on July 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Being a Minority is Cool ! 

     
  • some1talkin 4:48 pm on July 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Bohemian Rhapsody by 65000 fans 

     
  • some1talkin 4:17 pm on July 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION…?

    -Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
    -My battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings.
    -I’m giving up spray deodorants at the end of the year. Roll on 2018.
    -I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
    -Bought a litre of White Out yesterday. Huge mistake.
    -Herb gardeners who work extra get thyme and a half.
    -I’ve started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
    -Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. The wife said I’d been Tolkien in my sleep
    -I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
    -I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
    -I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
    -Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    -I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
    -The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
    -Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
    -Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
    -Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam program I’ve seen in a long time.
    -My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive” but it’s hard without him.
    -Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
    -I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
    -I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
    -A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.
    -I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
    -I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
    -A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
    -I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.
    -I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
    -I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
    -What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
    -eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
    -My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
    -My first job was working in an orange juice factory but I got canned, couldn’t concentrate.
    -Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
    -Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.
    -I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
    -Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out.
    -My wife’s working in a bowling alley. Ten pin? No, permanent.
    -I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
    -I thought my wife was joking when she said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop singing ‘I’m A Believer’. Then I saw her face.
    -I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
    -How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
    -My math teacher called me average. How mean!
    -Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
    -I’ve just written a song about tortillas… actually, it’s more of a rap.
    -A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
    -Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
    -I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I’ve got some leads.
    -If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
    -Did you know that owls can’t breed in the rain? It’s too wet to woo.
    -If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you’d have a small medium at large.
    -When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down.
    -What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
    -Dad: I’ve just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome. Mum: Is it common? Dad: It’s not unusual.
    -Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.
    -Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
    -I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.
    -I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey, but I turned myself around. And that’s what it’s all about.
    -My computer’s got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.
    -If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.
    -Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

     
  • some1talkin 10:40 am on July 6, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Say it ain’t so, Joe 

     
  • some1talkin 8:10 am on May 30, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    More Global Warming 

     
  • some1talkin 7:43 am on May 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Islamic Selfies 

     
  • some1talkin 9:38 am on May 13, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Trumps Taxes Available Here 

     
  • some1talkin 8:09 pm on April 21, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    A Very Interesting Read 

    A very interesting read, a Marine’s View of what is really going on.  This young man is articulate and has a flare for colorful language, and descriptive prose, Scorpions, Chiggers & Sand Fleas.  It’s a great letter, a must read for every American citizen.

    From a Recon Marine in Afghanistan :

    From the Sand Pit

    It’s freezing here.  I’m sitting on hard cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at the base of the  Hindu Kush  Mountains, along the Dar’yoi Pamir River, watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave.  Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery for thousands of miles.

    I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds to avoid another scorpion sting.  I’ve actually given up battling the chiggers and sand fleas, but the scorpions give a jolt like a cattle prod.  Hurts like a bastard.  The antidote tastes like transmission fluid, but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my pack.  The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not, they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink water.  That requires couriers and that’s where an old bounty hunter like me comes in handy.

    I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and storage facilities, type the info into the hand held, and shoot the coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders where to drop the hardware.  We bash some heads for a while, and then I track and record the new movement.  It’s all about intelligence.  We haven’t even brought in the snipers yet.  These scurrying rats have no idea what they’re in for.  We are but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin.  But you know me; I’m a romantic.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This country blows, man.  It’s not even a country.  There are no roads, there’s no infrastructure, there’s no government.

    This is an inhospitable, rock-pit shit-hole ruled by eleventh century warring tribes.  There are no jobs here like we know jobs.   Afghanistan offers only two ways for a man to support his family, join the opium trade or join the army.  That’s it.  Those are your options.  Oh, I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like a goose with stomach flu, if that’s your idea of a party.  But the smell alone of those ‘tent cities of the walking dead’ is enough to hurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day.

    I’ve been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks, and Turkmen and even a couple of Pashtu’s, for over a month-and-a-half now, and this much I can say for sure: These guys, are Huns, actual, living Huns.  They LIVE to fight.  It’s what they do.  It’s ALL they do.  They have no respect for anything; not for themselves, their families, or for each other.  They claw at one another as a way of life.  They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons into human cockfights to defend the family honor.  Just Huns, roaming packs of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other’s barbarism.  Cavemen with AK-47’s.  Then again, maybe I’m just a cranky young bastard.

    I’m freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is running out of juice, and I can’t recharge it until the sun comes up in a few hours.  Oh yeah!  You like to write letters, right?  Do me a favor, Bizarre.  Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban “smart”.  They are not smart.  I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary because the word they are looking for is “cunning”.  The Taliban are cunning, like jackals, hyenas, and wolverines.  They are sneaky and ruthless, and when confronted, they are cowardly.  They are hateful, malevolent parasites who create nothing and destroy everything else.

    Smart?  Bullshit!  Yeah, they’re real smart,  Most can’t read, but they’ve spent their entire lives listening to Imams telling them about only one book (and not a very good one, as books go).  They consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be products of the devil.  They’re still trying to figuring out how to work a Bic lighter.  Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of life is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen.   Eventually he just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it.

    OK, enough.  Snuffle will be up soon, so I have to get back to my hole.  Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice, but I’m good at it.

    Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets and move on with your lives.  The story line you are getting from CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC and other liberal news agencies is utter bullshit and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keep you glued to the screen so you will watch the next commercial.  We’ve got this one under control.  The worst thing you guys can do right now is sit around analyzing what we’re doing over here.  You have no idea what we’re doing, and you really don’t want to know.  We are your military, and we are only doing what you sent us here to do.

    From a Jack Recon Marine in  Afghanistan , Semper Fi.

    “Freedom is not free, but the U.S. Marine Corps is paying most of your share”.

    Send this to YOUR FRIENDS so that people there will really know what is going on over here.

    God Bless America .

    PS  Why would any civilized country
    want to bring these barbarians
    into their cities or states. 

    To do so is total suicidal insanity!

     

    Source: http://itmakessenseblog.com/2017/04/21/we-dont-recognize-how-good-we-have-it-in-the-usa/

     
  • some1talkin 5:21 pm on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Funny Shit 

    Dr: I have your diagnosis.

    ME: Make it quick, I don’t have much time.

    Dr: Who told you?

     


    Hotel: Your room is 332, enjoy your stay.

    Dad: I assume the porn is disabled?

    Hotel: No, it’s regular porn you sick fuck.

     

    So if Humpty Dumpty is an egg, what species is the thing inside him? Another Egg?

    “No, I mean do you have any questions about the job?”

     
  • some1talkin 9:52 pm on April 14, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Sometimes I See Shit That Blows My Mind 

    This blows my mind:

    Government doesn’t need this much money. This is nuts. Period.

     
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