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  • some1talkin 3:20 pm on September 19, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Some Thoughts on Getting Older 

    SOME THOUGHTS ON GETTING OLDER

    -I talk to myself, because there are times I need expert advice.

    -Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? My sense of decency.

    -I consider ‘on trend’ to be the clothes that still fit.

    -Pulling n ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.

    -Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

    -I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

    -The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

    -My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance for idiots that needs work.

    -When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

    -The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it”.

    -Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

    -Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

    -These days “on time” is when I get there.

    -I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

    -‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.

    -Even duct tape can’t fix stupid. but it sure does muffle the sound.

    -You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

    -Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

    -One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

    -You’re more likely to get cautioned by the doctor instead of by the police.

    -Lately, I’ve noticed people my age are so much older than me.

    -One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

    -‘Getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering why I’m there.

    -I’ve travelled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

    -When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it feels like a mini vacation.

    -Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me – I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.

    – Some days I have no idea what I’m doing out of bed.

    -I thought growing old would take longer.

    -Aging sure has slowed me down, but it hasn’t shut me up.

    -I still haven’t learned to act my age.

    -You’re not sure if these are facts or jokes. 

    -I have days when my life is just a tent away from a circus.

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  • some1talkin 2:28 pm on September 16, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    More Comments: 

    [These are comments, cut and pasted, from news articles that I find funny, insightful, stupid or confounding - to name a few reasons they might be here:
    Re: Riots over police shooting of black heroin dealer in self defense.

    “Meanwhile, the FOUR HUNDRED blacks who will shoot one another in Chicago alone THIS MONTH shall remain invisibile to the protesters, the Post-Disgrace, the MSM, DNC, Democrats, fascist Facebook censors and other preening, virtue-signaling children everywhere.

    Let’s be real for once. The threat posed to black men by rogue cops is infinitesimal relative to the threat posed by other black men, PERIOD. That, of course, is a subject that shall not be named as they engage in deifying first a street thug, and then a heroin addict! The willful ignorance and utter absurdity of this is beyond belief.”

    “Heroin dealer dead. So, in other news….”


    “If American women are so outraged at trumps use of naughty words, who in the hell bought 80 million copies of 50 shades of grey?”

    “I’m out on a limb with a saw in my hand. ”

    —-

    “Let’s think about this for a second… the likelihood of Russia hacking our government is equal to the likelihood of the US hacking Russia or any other country. It’s how the world operates today. It’s called SPYING. I hope we’re spying the hell out of both our friends and our enemies – regardless of ‘political correctness’.”

    —-

    “Back to the other issue: It’s about America and unfortunately the Clinton Team won’t accept that the game is over and that everyone’s gone to the locker rooms now.

    And finally the real issue: They’re Just So Pathetic.”

    —-

    “Somebody call a waaaahmbulance for this “reporter.”

     

     

     
  • some1talkin 6:19 am on September 9, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Comments Worth Saving II 

    “The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.”
    -Aristotle

    —-

    Ehhh, we say “incompetence,” you say “diversity.”

    —-

    When it comes to personal attacks against him, Orbán, a great admirer of the late British prime minister, quoted Margaret Thatcher: “I always cheer up immensely if one is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.”

    —-

    I read somewhere that when Daylight Savings Time takes place, Nancy Pelosi sets her clocks ‘2 hours ahead’, so that she can be first to say something really stupid.

    —-

    Oh, you must be talking about the fake-wanna-be, thinks-he’s-all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips

    —-

    I just want to thank all my Facebook friends that share their political thoughts. I, like so many others, are clueless and so very much in need your cheerleading and guidance in the field of politics, morals, values and beliefs. Your insights are mind-melting spot on – which tends to bring us all together and much closer. You have such a way of repeating what you’ve read and heard that we are all better from that. The rest of us can’t figure out politics or our core beliefs because it’s so complicated and we need and appreciate your help. Oh, and we agree with you 1000% so, again, it tends to bring us closer.

    —-

    Did you know that one out of 3 political comments on Facebook are just as stupid as the other two?

    —-

    It’s called being condescending. Maybe you’ve heard of it.

    —-

    “I’m sorry! I was micro-aggressing my white privilege…while stuck at a divisive gender intersection—and the whole time—the light was Red—-which actually could have been identifying as ‘Trans-Green’—so I punched it.

    VAGINA POWER!

    —-

    I’ll never use the “F News” Word again!

    lol

     
  • some1talkin 9:56 am on September 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Comments Worth Saving – Sometimes I Find Gems Worth Repeating 

    I read comments mostly. I recognize articles that will have interesting comments, peruse the article and head to the comments. When I come across one I find well written, poignant, funny or thought-provoking, I cut and paste into a file.

    I’m going to share some of those with you …

    —-

    “I’m not prejudiced against very many things – perhaps spicy foods and cold showers, among others.

    Mostly I’m prejudice FOR things. I prefer certain foods, certain colors, certain weather conditions etc. I prefer (have a preference for) (am prejudiced for) to be with people that are like me – similar intellect, similar tastes, similar background, similar lifestyle etc.  This doesn’t make me a hater or racist or homophobe or misogynist or anti-‘anything’ – it makes me a discerner with the intelligence to differentiate between things that I am most comfortable with.

    From another perspective: I prefer bland food. This doesn’t make me hate spicy foods. I don’t want to eliminate spicy foods. Spicy foods are great for lots of people. I’m not one of those people – so I just avoid them. I’m glad people have the choice. I choose foods that are more bland.

    Am I a foodaphobe? foodist? food- hater? anti-food?”

    —-

     

    “Comment about DACA: “Children can be held accountable for the actions of their parents.  See Roe v Wade.  At least they are being deported home alive.”

     

    —-

     

    “I would express pity for you but your level of disconnect and stupidity is beyond comprehension.  I recommend you seek professional help.”

     

    —-

     

    “DIVERSITY: Yes! It’s such an insult to any “minority” to assume they can’t make it without extra help–it implies that intelligence and talent is tied to the color of your skin or your genitals.

    Say, isn’t that the essence of prejudice? so who’s the bigot here?”

     

    —-

     

    NOAA’s weather models can’t accurately predict the path of a hurricane three days in advance because of the vast number of variables involved. However, NOAA claims its climate models are able to predict the climate 50 years in advance despite the infinitely greater number of variables which involve the entire planet. I guess that if you’re a dedicated believer in the Church of Global Warming you can believe that BS.

     

    —-

    The Civil Rights movement of the 60’s was righteous and necessary in the fact that it made all men equal in the eyes of the law. Now the Civil Rights mantra is that unequal outcomes in life somehow equal discrimination. It’s utter nonsense.

     

     

    MORE TO COME…

     
  • some1talkin 9:46 am on August 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Denier! 

     
  • some1talkin 8:27 am on July 29, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Makes NO Sense to me 

    In my town, the local trade union is protesting out-of-state workers.

    This same trade union (along with the rest of the trade unions in the US) donated massive amounts of money to politicians in support of open borders and unlimited illegal immigration.

    So, in essence, they’re all for immigration unless its done by legal US citizens crossing state lines.

    Not in my back yard?

     
  • some1talkin 3:37 pm on July 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Being a Minority is Cool ! 

     
  • some1talkin 4:48 pm on July 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Bohemian Rhapsody by 65000 fans 

     
  • some1talkin 4:17 pm on July 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION…?

    -Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
    -My battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings.
    -I’m giving up spray deodorants at the end of the year. Roll on 2018.
    -I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
    -Bought a litre of White Out yesterday. Huge mistake.
    -Herb gardeners who work extra get thyme and a half.
    -I’ve started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
    -Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. The wife said I’d been Tolkien in my sleep
    -I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
    -I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
    -I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
    -Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    -I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
    -The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
    -Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
    -Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
    -Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam program I’ve seen in a long time.
    -My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive” but it’s hard without him.
    -Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
    -I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
    -I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
    -A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.
    -I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
    -I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
    -A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
    -I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.
    -I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
    -I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
    -What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
    -eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
    -My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
    -My first job was working in an orange juice factory but I got canned, couldn’t concentrate.
    -Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
    -Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.
    -I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
    -Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out.
    -My wife’s working in a bowling alley. Ten pin? No, permanent.
    -I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
    -I thought my wife was joking when she said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop singing ‘I’m A Believer’. Then I saw her face.
    -I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
    -How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
    -My math teacher called me average. How mean!
    -Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
    -I’ve just written a song about tortillas… actually, it’s more of a rap.
    -A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
    -Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
    -I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I’ve got some leads.
    -If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
    -Did you know that owls can’t breed in the rain? It’s too wet to woo.
    -If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you’d have a small medium at large.
    -When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down.
    -What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
    -Dad: I’ve just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome. Mum: Is it common? Dad: It’s not unusual.
    -Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.
    -Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
    -I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.
    -I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey, but I turned myself around. And that’s what it’s all about.
    -My computer’s got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.
    -If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.
    -Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

     
  • some1talkin 10:40 am on July 6, 2017 Permalink | Reply  

    Say it ain’t so, Joe 

     
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